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Have you ever heard of parallel parenting? Parallel parenting involves parents who have shared custody over their kids but refuse to live together in the same house or communicate with each other in person. To put it shortly, they keep interaction and communication to a minimum. Everything is separate and they attent meetings or appointments related to parenting separately.
But, why the strict conditions? Parallel parenting works for high conflict ex-couple or are incompaatible to reach an agreement like co-parenting. Couples who co-parent can proactively make major decisions for their children despite their feelings for each other. They may have an easier time to fulfil their parenting responsibilities while remaining respectful of each other's comments and ideals.
Although this parallel parenting approach is not ideal, it works for some divorced parents.
The Importance of Parental Responsibility
Parental responsibility allows parents to have the power to make long-term decisions for their children. Either one parent (sole parental responsibility) can have this or both parents. In parallel parenting matters, usually one parent has the parental responsibility which is the primary parent. In co-parenting, both parents can still have equaal shared parental responsibility.
Sole parental responsibility is only granted in extreme circumstances, such as the other parent who has a history of drug abuse or family violence.
Children and the Family Law Act 1975
The Family Law Act 1975 is the Act that governs family law matters in Australia. One of the most important laws here is Section 60CC, that considers the child's best interests. According to Section 60CC, the two primary considerations of the child's best interests are their right to:
- Be protected from any form of harm, abuse or neglect
- Have a meaningful relationship with their parents, relatives, and any other significant people in their life.
If you think about it, parents, divorced or not, can achieve this. If they set aside themselves for a mooment and focus on their children, they can give proper and substantial upbringing for their children.
How To Make A Successful Parallel Parenting Arrangement Work
1. Write Down a Parenting Agreement
Parents write down their agreements, whether in a parenting planor in a parenting order. A parenting plan is an out-of-court parenting arrangement that ex-couples may draft if they plan to separate or divorce. It's important to note that a parenting plan is not legally binding, so some separated parents may breach the plan without hesitation.
If parents want to agree to have the court legally enforce their parenting plan, they may apply for consent orders. A consent order can aid ex-couples who agree on parenting arrangements. Once the court approves the parenting plan, it may turn it into a legally binding parenting order.
Now, what if parents continue to disagree on the parallel parenting model? They may then opt for court proceedings and let the judge decide on the parenting arrangements necessary for the child. Courts will always follow the child's best interests when making a parenting order for disputed parents. We have published a blog about family court order breaches.
2. Strictly Follow Child Changeovers
Parallel parenting involves two parents who are living separately and may not agree on child changeovers. It may help if parents write down when and where the child's changeover will take place in their parenting arrangements. For instance, Parent A agreed to drive the kids to Parent B's house at 9 am every Sunday for child changeover purposes.
3. Decide Who Will Attend School Events
A lot of divorced parents may continue to fight over who attends certain school events like graduations, school plays, or parent-teacher meetings. Couples may still list this down and decide who gets to attend a school event.
For instance, ex-couples may ask teachers to have separate parent-teacher meetings for them. The ex-couple may also decide on who attends the graduation ceremony, and the other parent will take the child out for a date.
4. Make Provisions for Parallel Parenting Disputes
Ex-couples who opt for a parallel parenting may experience conflicts due to different parenting styles and values. However, good communication and comprehension can help couples regardless of how they fulfil their parental duties. Provisions for disputes in parenting plans may also help parents handle disputes effectively, such as:
- How will each parent address their concern and communicate effectively with the other parent? Will they use emails, phone calls, or chat messages?
- Which mode of communication will they use to talk to each other about their concerns?
- How will each parent handle consequences if one parent doesn't follow the parenting plan?
- Will the couple opt for court procedures or consult with a parenting coordinator
Parallel Parenting: Case Example
In the case of Palmerin & Parcell (2020), Ms Parcell and Mr Parcell struggled with communication issues. Their parenting styles were different, and there was a high level of animosity between them. The level of parental conflict was hig,h and even the children wanted them to stop fighting. They did not wish to be included in their disputes.
The judge saw that both parents had good parenting skills in their own ways; however, it was causing distress to their children. Moreover, the judge saw that they had yet to learn to prioritise their children's needs over their own. Hence, the judge ordered the parents to follow a parallel parenting style, which required the parents to:
- Cease any discussions regarding their long-term decision-making for their children unless both have agreed to it in writing
- Only communicate through letters or emails
- Not to enter into each other's homes
- Let their children start communication with the non-resident parent
Let Us Help Discover the Right Parenting Style for You
No parent is perfect. We all make mistakes and most likely have differing opinions in life and in childcare. With this in mind, a lot of divorcing parents end up arguing about parenting arrangements. Either one or the other parent wants more time with the child.
How can we at JB Solicitors help with such matters? Divorce puts an emotional strain not only the parents, but also their children. They all need an avenue to vent out without the fear of court consequences. Thaankfully we canh provide that avenue in our mediation sessions.
In our mediation sessions, we can help you discover the right parenting style with your former partner. We'll ensure that all of your child's best interests are met and upheld. Given that mediation does not resolve such issues, we can also help you represent at court.
So, what do you think will work for your family? Parallel parenting or co-parenting? Let's cross that bridge together with a family lawyer in our firm.
The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.
